Four more months and I'll be legally changing my marital status. So, I was thinking of making a series on the things I have been learning along the way. Last October, we formally started our preparations by attending our church's marriage preparation seminar. I believe most churches have this type of preparation for engaged couples and truly, it has been of immense help to our relationship. A lot can be learned, not just for marriage, but for relationships in general. For today, I'll start with one of the more complicated issues, the roles of the wife and the husband. This is a bit difficult to discuss, and I'm sure I'll miss some points, but here is my simple understanding of it. The first thing I must clarify is that:
HUSBAND...the loving Leader
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 5:22-23
Verse 22 is often isolated and taken out of context. Becoming the head of the family, the leader, is not a deserved privilege, but rather a God-given responsibility. It is not an excuse for a man to abuse his partner and in no way suggests male dominance over their female counterparts. The verse refers to headship, which, as defined by Mr. Raymond Ortlund, Jr., means the following:
WIFE...the helpful Partner
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12
As the husband leads, so the wife does her part by assisting, encouraging, supporting and submitting to him. We can actually use our heads and make decisions - will this action show my support to my husband? How do I care for my children in a way that emphasizes the values that are important to us? It's not an issue of whether we have careers or not, whether we do all the household chores, whether we take care of the children. It's more of a heart issue. If you have the right heart, you'll make the right decision. One of the best (for me) advice given to us women during the seminar was to never talk about our future husbands in a negative light. Yes, we will have problems and disagreements. He will sometimes make mistakes, choose the wrong alternatives. But whatever happens in a marriage, must be kept in the marriage. When you put your husband down, you put your marriage down.
Even outside of marriage, I have met women who belittle their partners, taking the dominant stance. From what I have seen, it is never good, women become naggers, complaining that they have to do everything in their relationship. The men, meanwhile, become stifled to the point of claustrophobia, and this state of a relationship often leads to fighting, abuse and third parties. None of us want that.
Here's my conclusion: committed men and women must have a mutual respect for one another in that we are all God's creations, each one given intelligence, skills, talent and emotions. Being in a relationship (whether bf-gf, engagement or marriage) is not a competition with one another. It is a decision to love one person as God intended for us to, to care for, respect and uplift one another.
The man is to love his wife by accepting the primary responsibility for making their partnership a platform displaying God’s glory, and the woman is to love her husband by supporting him in that godly undertaking. - Raymond Ortlund, Jr.
DISCLAIMER: I am not, and do not claim to be, an expert in this subject matter. I am only sharing the things I have learned and the things I believe in. If your viewpoint is different from mine, I respect that.
Man and woman are equal in the sense that they bear God’s image equally.
27 So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)
HUSBAND...the loving Leader
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 5:22-23
Verse 22 is often isolated and taken out of context. Becoming the head of the family, the leader, is not a deserved privilege, but rather a God-given responsibility. It is not an excuse for a man to abuse his partner and in no way suggests male dominance over their female counterparts. The verse refers to headship, which, as defined by Mr. Raymond Ortlund, Jr., means the following:
In the partnership of two spiritually equal human beings, man and woman, the man bears the primary responsibility to lead the partnership in a God-glorifying direction.
The husband must first 'be the man'. He should take the responsibility of leading the family - establishing Godly values, providing for his family and protecting them from physical as well as spiritual harm. Now I'm not saying that he's the only one who should do those things, but he must be the one leading the family. Note that leadership here is not bossing the family around, it's loving them enough to take the initiative, lay the right foundations, find a stable job to provide for them, pray for them and cover them. For me, if the husband is submitted to God and does these things, his wife and children will never be reluctant to trust, support and obey his decisions and commands. WIFE...the helpful Partner
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12
As the husband leads, so the wife does her part by assisting, encouraging, supporting and submitting to him. We can actually use our heads and make decisions - will this action show my support to my husband? How do I care for my children in a way that emphasizes the values that are important to us? It's not an issue of whether we have careers or not, whether we do all the household chores, whether we take care of the children. It's more of a heart issue. If you have the right heart, you'll make the right decision. One of the best (for me) advice given to us women during the seminar was to never talk about our future husbands in a negative light. Yes, we will have problems and disagreements. He will sometimes make mistakes, choose the wrong alternatives. But whatever happens in a marriage, must be kept in the marriage. When you put your husband down, you put your marriage down.
Even outside of marriage, I have met women who belittle their partners, taking the dominant stance. From what I have seen, it is never good, women become naggers, complaining that they have to do everything in their relationship. The men, meanwhile, become stifled to the point of claustrophobia, and this state of a relationship often leads to fighting, abuse and third parties. None of us want that.
Here's my conclusion: committed men and women must have a mutual respect for one another in that we are all God's creations, each one given intelligence, skills, talent and emotions. Being in a relationship (whether bf-gf, engagement or marriage) is not a competition with one another. It is a decision to love one person as God intended for us to, to care for, respect and uplift one another.
The man is to love his wife by accepting the primary responsibility for making their partnership a platform displaying God’s glory, and the woman is to love her husband by supporting him in that godly undertaking. - Raymond Ortlund, Jr.
DISCLAIMER: I am not, and do not claim to be, an expert in this subject matter. I am only sharing the things I have learned and the things I believe in. If your viewpoint is different from mine, I respect that.
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